Darkest hour
by Nayame
Summary: Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, Rose and Emmett went hunting but something went terribly wrong. What happened so that Edward has red eyes now? And what about Bella's reaction? Will she be able to forgive? post NM
1. Chapter 1

AN: Ok, a little angsty story… ) Won't be a long one, though. I'm not really good at writing angst but I just had to try it. If you want something funny, read my other story, maybe it will make you smile!

Ok, how I got the idea for this story: In Twilight, Edward tells Bella that it is hard to resist human blood and that even the strongest have their weak moments. In my opinion, Edward would have killed the guys in Port Angeles hadn't Bella been with him. I won't say too much, but what would happen if Edward had a weak moment and Bella wouldn't be there to stop him? The whole story _why_ Edward did what he did will be covered in the next chapters ;)

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**Darkest hour **

**C****hapter 1**

_Beep, beep, beep_

A beeping noise made its way into my dreams, pulling me out of them and into reality.

_Beep, beep, beep_

What…? I lifted my hands to my eyes to get the sleepiness out of them. I knew it wasn't my alarm clock waking me – although it _could_ be, since Edward and a part of his family went hunting for several days – but somehow, the sound was familiar.

It was still very dark in my room and as I looked drowsily around me, I heard that sound once more.

_Beep, beep, beep_

My gaze fell on the small, silver cell phone I got from Edward. Except for the Cullens, no one had its number. I picked it up, slightly alarmed by then. I looked at the time: It was 02:13. They wouldn't call me around this time, if it wasn't something important…

As I looked down to the small display, I could read the caller's name. _Emmett__ Cullen_.

He never called me before… I got a strange feeling in my gut but now, I was getting more awake by any second ticking by.

I answered the call, sleepiness evident in my voice. "Emmett?" I asked.

"Bella! Oh, sorry to wake you, but it's kind of urgent. You are in your room right now, right?" His voice was a bit shaky and it alarmed me. What happened?

"Yes?" I answered as I stood up slowly. Charlie was probably still sleeping so I tried to remain calm and my voice to sound quiet.

"Ok. Listen Bella: You've got to come to our house as soon as possible. Carlisle, Rose, Edward, Jasper and I just came back from hunting and something went terribly wrong."

"One moment!" I interrupted him. If something happened during the hunt, it wasn't a good sign. I put the phone for a second on my shelve and took out a jeans and a normal white shirt so I could dress while Emmett filled me in with the details.

"Ok, I'm back, go on." I told him.

"Bella, we were pretty far up north in Canada for the last day. All of us were very thirsty and we made the mistake not to look for any humans around our hunting area."

All the while he talked, I jumped into my jeans and pulled the T-Shirt over my head. I already got a feeling for what could have happened.

"Edward has probably already told you: When we hunt, we let our instincts rule. Well I can't tell you the details, but…"

I ran down the stairs to the kitchen. Thankfully, I was lucky and didn't trip. I got a piece of paper out of the counter and took a pen from another drawer to write Charlie a message.

"Somehow a human was in our territory, Jasper couldn't control himself and Edward… I don't know what happened exactly but… Bella, if you look into Edward's eyes, they will be _red_."

I let the phone almost fall from my hand down to the ground. Edward… He had drunken from a human? What… Why…? I couldn't formulate a coherent sentence in my head.

"Bella, are you still listening?" Emmett's voice sounded even more concerned that it already did.

"Uh… Yeah, I'm here." I managed to get out. "I have to write Charlie a note why I'm away when he wakes up…"

"Just write that something's wrong with Edward. That is as much truth as he will ever get to know." Emmett decided. Although he couldn't see me, I nodded and wrote down:

_Dad, don't worry, I didn't run away. Something's wrong with Edward and I was called. I'm worried about him so I wanted to know what's going on. I'll be home for dinner, I think. Love, Bella._

Charlie wouldn't like it but that wasn't my problem. If Edward had attacked a human…

"Emmett, how is he?" I asked with a trembling voice.

There was a short silence. "He won't come out of his room and he didn't say a word the whole way from Canada back to Forks. Please come, Bella. I don't know what we can do..."

As he said that, I was already sitting in my truck, bringing the engine to life. For a second, I wondered if Charlie would wake because of the noise but normally, he slept like a stone and quite nothing could wake him. I pulled out of the driveway, and did something I never did before: I floored the gas pedal. My truck didn't like it and let out a sound pretty much like a roar.

"Do the others know I'm coming?" I asked through the phone.

"No. I didn't have the courage to ask them whether my idea would be a good one… But I know that if something like that would happen to me, I'd need my mate – and I think, so does Edward right now. I'll wait for you on the porch."

Just when his words left his mouth, I was already driving along the hidden trail to the Cullen's Mansion.

I snapped the phone shut when I could see the big white house in front of me. Emmett was standing in front of it, waiting for my arrival.

I brought the truck to a sudden stop and jumped out of it. I wasn't even belted.

"Now, _that_ was _really_ fast." Emmett was kind of stunned to see me in their driveway so soon.

"You said it was an emergency. Here I am." I took a second to collect my breath and slow my heart rate down a bit. I knew humans are not able to do that but a few reassuring breaths helped me to calm down.

Together, Emmett and I entered the house. Carlisle, Rosalie and Esme were sitting in the huge living room, their faces grave.

As we entered, Esme and Carlisle looked up and met my gaze.

"Bella? What…?" Esme asked, confusion in her voice. However, she came towards me, pulling me into a motherly hug.

Carlisle looked from me to Emmett. "Did you call her?" He asked the younger vampire.

"Yes. Carlisle, I don't know what else to do, I…"

"It's ok." Carlisle came towards us, too and pulled me, then Emmett into a hug. "Maybe it was the right decision. Maybe she is able to calm him down a bit…" He stepped a few feet away and looked into my eyes. I think, it was the first time that I saw Carlisle sad. "Did he tell you what happened?" Carlisle asked.

I just nodded my head.

"Ok… Please be careful, Bella. I don't think Edward would hurt you but he's not acting like he normally does. It seems as if he doesn't even read our minds, otherwise he would have come down as soon as Emmett thought about calling you." He made a short pause and looked deep into my eyes. Was he looking for a sign of angst?

"He's upstairs in his room, love. Please, be careful." Esme told me.

I gave them a small smile and pulled out my cell phone. "Carlisle? Would you please keep it until I'm back from his room? I don't want to give him the opportunity to find out who called me. I think, it wouldn't turn out well." I said. Yes, Emmett would definitely be in trouble as soon as Edward would get to know it.

Carlisle looked a bit surprised by my request but took the small silver phone from me.

Just before I ascended the stairs, I felt Esme's hand on my shoulder, holding me back.

"Bella, I have to tell you something, although I'm not sure you will understand our decision." I turned around to look into her worried topaz eyes. "Bella, our family has forgiven Edward and Jasper for what they did." She said while holding my gaze.

I lifted my hand and let it rest on her icy one and showed her an as reassuring smile as I could muster. "I already thought something like that, Esme. And now I'm not sure if _you_ understand what _I_'m saying, but… I can understand your decision." I mean, humans were their natural prey… I didn't think that they would punish Jasper and Edward for killing a human being.

Esme and Carlisle looked taken aback. "You… you understand? Bella, we forgave them a _murder_." Carlisle wasn't sure what he should think about my reaction, I felt it.

Now it was my turn to smile at Carlisle. I wasn't sure about his reaction he would have after I finished what I wanted to say. "Edward already told me how your hunting works and although I don't know any details of the situation Jasper and Edward were in, I don't think they killed the human on purpose like… why a human would kill another human. I already had plenty of situations to realize that we are hardly more than prey for your kind – although I'm not really talking about the _vegetarian_ ones." I knew that my voice sounded sad by then but I couldn't help it. It is one thing to know or think these thoughts but a totally different one to speak them out loud – especially in front of your probably future vampire-family. "Edward once told me, that even the strongest could have a weak moment. The hardest thing is to handle those weak moments if you're normally a strong being." I added in a low whisper as I turned around once more to head to his room.

No one followed me and as I reached his door, I had to take in some deep breaths. Did he hear me? Did he know I was coming? How would he react? Would he be mad at me? I had to clear my head from all the thoughts which flooded my mind. There was only one urgent question: What should I do?

It was easy to come here. I didn't need many thoughts about it. Somehow, I _knew_ Edward would need me. But in addition, I knew that he probably wouldn't let me into his room out of his free will. But even if I could solve _that_ problem: What should I say to him? '_How are you_' or '_everything will be fine again_' aren't the kind of things you could tell someone in his state… But then, what was his state? I knew he killed a human and since I knew Edward pretty good I could tell he would most likely feel devastated. But Esme and Carlisle had forgiven him, just like the rest of his family – didn't that count for something?

I worked up the courage to lift my hand and let it tap a few times on his door. I was careful in my movements so the knock on his door was very quiet.

There was no answer.

"Edward…?" I asked after a few more minutes of hesitation. By now, he should know that I was standing in front of his room.

Again no answer. I got more worried as the seconds ticked by.

I closed my eyes, took in one last deep breath and let my hand slid on the handle of his door to open it.

I was surprised that it wasn't locked.

Hesitantly, I stepped into his dark room. My eyes took a few seconds until they readjusted to the darkness. The moon shining through the huge wall-sized window was illuminating Edward's private little place and I felt like an intruder. Without making any noise – well, at least _I_ didn't hear anything – I closed the door behind me. I _knew_ Edward was here, I could feel him.

I leaned against the closed door and tried to calm down my heartbeats.

That was when I saw him. Edward was standing at the window next to his couch, looking at the landscape in front of him. I couldn't see much of his face but it looked troubled, sad.

"Edward…?" I whispered in a barely inaudible voice. I saw his body tense, he had heard me.

Edward didn't even turn around. His answer was short and emotionless. "_Go_."

I needed one more deep breath. Should I go? I took a step forward, towards him.

"Didn't you understand me? Just _go_, let me alone." He said. His voice was dangerously calm. I knew what that meant. He was on the edge of his self-control. I had to be very careful from here: I didn't want to leave him now, not after I heard the way he was speaking. But nevertheless: It would be risky if I'd go on.

I made some more steps towards him but he didn't seem to notice. His eyes were practically glued to the forest in front of his window. I was now close enough to see that his jaw was clenched, his hands were balled in fists and leaning on the glass.

I was now only one or maybe two feet away from him. I had one hand over my heart – it was pounding furiously and there was nothing I could do against it. After a short hesitation, I reached out with my other hand to touch Edward.

In a movement too fast for my eyes, he'd turned around and gripped my wrist harder than he normally would before my hand could make contact with his back. I was startled and I had to clench my teeth so no sound would make its way over my lips. I couldn't risk showing him how scared I was in that moment, although he could probably read it from my eyes.

Eyes. That was when I saw it. Edward glared down on me but his now blood-red eyes looked sad and hurt. My breath caught and my heart skipped a beat. I knew then, that I never really imagined my Edward with red eyes, the eyes of a human killing vampire. I had seen many vampires with that eye color and they all wanted to drink from me. Angst was creeping up my spine. What about Edward? Would he…? No. His eye color may have changed but I was sure his character hadn't. I still hadn't looked away and now I was sure: He looked terribly sad and hurt.

I relaxed my hands which were balled into fists by then. It was a pathetic gesture but I wanted to show him that I wasn't here to harm him. As if I would ever be able to hurt him in the first place…

Still, he glared at me but as the seconds ticked by, his expression softened a bit.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" He asked, his voice a whisper. He relaxed his grip on my wrist a bit but didn't let me look away. "It's maybe two or three in the morning, you should be sleeping right now."

"Someone told me that… there was kind of an accident during your hunt." His eyes darkened distinctly and before he could ask me who told me, I had to go on. "I thought that you… that maybe you needed me now." My voice was low and trembling. I had never witnessed Edward in such a mood before and it scared me.

He was silent for some time but then he let himself fall against the glass behind him, still holding my wrist. "Need you?" He whispered but it was more of a question to himself than directed at me. "Bella, look into my eyes and tell me what you see."

I did not want to answer at first but I felt that he was waiting for a response. "What I see… Your eyes are red. And before you ask, Edward: I know what that means."

I heard Edward heave a heavy sigh and he looked away, to the wall on his left. "Yes. The eyes of a blood-sucking _monster_ after the last kill of a human. "His voice was full of sadness and self-contempt. It hurt to heart it.

I made one more step towards him and was now standing right in front of him. With my free hand, I reached out and carefully stroke the side of his face. Only a heartbeat later, he held my second wrist in his by then free hand and he looked once again down on me. He seemed to debate with himself what to do with me.

"Edward, I'm here for you. I won't run, don't be afraid of that." I whispered.

He brought my hand to the side of his face and nestled to it. I felt him relax a bit more as he closed his eyes.

"Why do you think I'd be afraid that you would run, Bella? It would be the most typical reaction of a human." He said and again, there was almost no emotion in his voice.

I made the last step towards him and let my head rest on his chest. "I could see the hurt and sadness in your eyes, Edward. I don't think you want to be alone right now, no matter how often you repeat that sentence." I whispered.

There was a long silence after that but then, he let go of my wrists, put his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His grip felt desperate and since he was leaning on the window, shoulders hanging and with a sad look on his face, I was positive that he needed me right now. He buried his head in the space between my shoulder and my neck, into my hair and tightened his grip around my waist and now my back, too, pulling me even closer to him.

"Do you still want me to go?" I asked as I put my right arm around the part of his back that wasn't in contact with the glass behind him while my left arm reached carefully around his shoulders.

"_Stay_…" He whispered silently sobbing. "_Please_, _stay_…"

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Yepp, that was the first chapter. It was easier than I thought because I already had the story in english in my mind... So I didn't have to translate as much as in my other story... :) Please tell me what you think! (And no, I won't forget my other story but sometimes writing 'everybody is happy' isn't the right thing to do when you are in a dark mood yourself...) 


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Yay, I got reviews ) Thanks for reading and reviewing ;) (Yepp, I start dreaming from that sentence. You can't guess how often I use those words in the last days… Are there any synonyms for whole sentences?)

Anyway. This chapter will be quite long and if it turns out how I want, the next chapter will already be the last one. But if you read my other story, you may already guess it: I'm really bad at guessing how long a chapter will be…

And one more/last thing: I'll update my other story as soon as possible again but since my professor told me (today) that my "style sucks", I wasn't in the mood to write something happy -.- (well, he used more words to express that, but in a nutshell, that's what he meant -.-)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and New Moon, S. Meyer does.

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**Chapter 2**

For an immeasurable amount of time, Edward and I were just standing there, leaning against each other and the window. Edward hadn't moved an inch but I could still hear him sobbing very silent above my shoulder. I began stroking his back up and down very carefully and slow.

"Edward? Come, let's sit down." I proposed in a hushed whisper. My back began to hurt from the unusual position but I didn't want to break away from him.

He nodded once and straightened up a bit. I led him to the sofa right next to us and motioned him to sit down just like me. As I looked into his face, it felt like a whole eternity of sadness was painted on his angelic features. It broke my heart to see it.

I got rid of my shoes and knelt alongside him on the sofa, pulling him back into a close and loving embrace. Edward didn't resist or even hesitated and so, only a heartbeat later, he had his face once more buried in my hair. With his strong and cold hands, he pulled me closer to him so that I was practically sitting on his lap, facing him.

It was silent for a very long time. The only thing I could hear was my slow and finally calm breathing. From time to time, I felt him sob but he never uttered a sound.

What should I do? I tried once more to calm him by slowly stroking his back. One of my hands slid to his neck, almost into his hair, holding my beloved vampire close to me. He didn't pull back but eventually, I felt him relax a bit under my touch.

When I looked through the window in front of me, I could see how the moon had made its way across the sky. It wasn't getting brighter – morning was still far away – but it looked like the pale disc increased his light to illuminate our darkest hour.

As we were sitting there, I began to quietly hum some lullabies my mom had sung to me once I was still a child. It was a pathetic attempt to help Edward calm down – My mom used the songs to help me after a nightmare and what Edward had experienced was so much more than a bad dream.

I heard him sniff once and he tightened his grip around my body.

"Edward?" I whispered his name very low. I didn't really want to break the silence but there was something I had to tell him. "If you want to tell me what happened, I will listen." I said and as soon as the words had left my mouth, I felt him stiffen beneath me. "Don't worry, love, I won't leave you, I won't run away. I'm here for you, you can trust me." I felt him nod on my shoulder and he relaxed a bit, but he still held me tight to his chest.

"You don't need to tell me and when you do, you don't need to let me know everything. It is your choice but keep in mind that I won't let you down, that I won't leave you, whatever you tell me." I whispered.

Sometimes, talking helps the soul to heal itself. Sometimes, it is better to try to forget. I wasn't sure what would be the better choice for Edward but I wanted him to be sure that I would never leave him. He is always there for me, always strong when I'm even weaker than normal. I knew this time it would be _me_ who had to be strong for _him_. I was willing to do everything for him if it would make him feel better.

Slowly, his sobbing subsided and he lifted his head from my shoulder to look into my eyes. I gave him a small smile; I tried to give him some reassurance. Still, the look into his red eyes frightened me a little bit. I knew he could read it from my eyes. However, he didn't mention it. His eyes looked sad nonetheless but I was sure they didn't have the same deep sadness in them as when I looked into them for the first time.

He returned my smile, although it didn't reach his blood red eyes.

"Would you mind…" He began whispering but the end of the sentence was replaced by a slight nod of his head towards the seat of the sofa.

I shook my head. "Of course not."

Slowly, he leaned down, pulling me with him. I was laying on my back now and he snuggled himself close against me, laying his head above my heart. The coldness of his skin seeped through the thin fabric of my shirt but I ignored it. There was plenty of time to get warm again once Edward felt better.

I knew this position – whenever something was wrong with me, Edward was there, holding me in his strong arms, waiting for me to pull myself together again. This time, our positions were reversed and I couldn't hide a small smile from my lips. He didn't see it, though.

Once again, I tried to put my arms around his chest but only one arm succeeded. Edward had caught my left hand in mid air and pulled it close to him, holding it in his cold and strong hand. His breathing went back to normal again.

Once more, it was silent between us. Although probably it wasn't later than four by now, I wasn't tired. I was wide awake.

Suddenly, I heard his voice in a low whisper. "A part of my family and me went hunting the last two days." There was a short pause and I began stroking his back again. "Well, you already know that… But what you probably don't know is that we went hunting in Canada. Very… far in the north of Canada, to be precise."

I nodded my head but didn't say a word. Edward chose his words and phrases very cautiously, I could hear it in his voice.

"It was not the first time we went there. It is… _was_ a good place to hunt. Enough bears, sometimes mountain lions, too. Even several other big animals as well, so everybody could get what he or she wanted."

Again, he made a short pause and I let a small smile place itself on my lips. I was glad that he chose to tell me and not to try to forget it. As far as I knew Edward, I was sure he would never be able to forget it.

"One more good thing about the region is, that is pretty remote. Normally, there are no humans around that place at this time of the year. Hunting season begins a few months later so there is no point for them to be there. But this time…" He trailed off, his voice was barely audible.

As he didn't go on while the minutes ticked by, I whispered: "This time, it was different?"

Edward stiffened in my embrace and tightened his grip on my hand. Then, he nodded slowly.

"Yes, this time, it was different. Because of all those times we had been there, we didn't watch out as we normally do before the hunt. There is no way we could be careful during it, we… give in to our instincts. And since our instincts tell us that there would never be anything that could cause a real threat to us,…" He trailed off again but I knew what the end of that sentence would be. Since vampires weren't prey, they did not need to watch out just like every other being on this world would have to do.

Edward took one deep breath and went on. "It was a mistake that we didn't look around before we started our hunt… However, we split up as soon as we reached the place. Emmett went with Rose, Jasper and I took the same direction – although we wouldn't hunt together like Rose and Emmett – and Carlisle was on his own." He sighed and I knew by then that he debated with himself if it would be _ok_ to tell me what he _wanted_ to tell me.

"We were thirsty, _very_ thirsty. One or two more minutes, I could read the thoughts of my family, and then they were out of reach. Jasper's thoughts were the only ones I was able to hear. I was on my… way to an animal I already smelled since we left off, when I heard a sudden change in Jasper's thoughts…"

Edward snuggled himself closer against me once more, held on to me as if he wanted to make sure I wouldn't disappear. I pulled him closer to me to show him I wouldn't.

"First, he thought about some bears he had smelled. Then, there was a sudden silence in his thoughts, which made me stop dead in my tracks. Whenever that had happened before, it wasn't a good sign. I just stood there, trying to hear him again. He wasn't out of reach, then his thoughts would just have faded away. Suddenly, I heard him growl. And by '_heard'_ I mean really hear, like you do. He had smelled a human." He whispered the last sentence almost too low to hear but since we were alone in this room, I managed to understand him.

That sentence sent chills down my spine which Edward noticed. He lifted his head from my chest and gazed deep into my eyes.

"Sorry, I don't want to scare you, I…" He whispered. Now, his eyes held a small amount of doubt. I knew what he thought. _'Is it really the right thing to tell her_?'

"Don't worry, Edward. Everything's ok. Go on if you like, I'll listen." I said. I let my hand move up his back and rest on his neck, cautiously stroking it.

Edward took one last look into my eyes and although the doubt was still in them, he laid his head down again, listening to my heartbeat. Then, he went on. "I hurried up and found Jasper in a small clearing, standing several yards across from me. Somewhere between us, there was laying a wounded man, apparently a hunter. In front of him laid a dead mountain lion. It seemed as if they got into a fight and the lion had bitten or scratched the man. He leaned on a tree and had his eyes closed, I am sure he didn't even hear us coming." Edward's voice was flat and emotionless as he remembered what had happened.

He took a deep breath and then there was silence for some time.

I could imagine what would happen next. Jasper wouldn't be able to control himself; I could speak from my own experience. I felt pity with the hunter in that moment. What would he have thought? Obviously, he was dead by now – that was highly visible by one look into Edward's eyes. But what made Edward attack the hunter? I could feel my heart skip a beat as I thought along those lines. I still had a vivid memory when I met James or when I was in Volterra, standing in front of the three probably most powerful vampires, surrounded by even more of their kind. Knowing that it would end was a terrible feeling but _not_ knowing – or not until it was too late to have a last thought - would be horrifying. Especially if it was a kill of a vampire. To feel one's blood sucked out… I felt a shudder building up but I tried hard to hide it. Edward needn't know about those things now. No, not even that: He would _never_ get to know these thoughts. Luck was on my side: I could feel the shudder vanish without making its way through my body.

"I felt like I had to stop Jasper." Edward began again with his narration. "The wind was blowing from behind me and although I could smell the hunter's blood, it wasn't a strong urge and I thought I could resist it. I made some steps towards Jasper, trying to tell him that he should just turn around and leave, but then it happened. The wind changed its direction and the scent of the… of the sweet blood hit me like it would feel if I'd run full speed into a brick wall."

His voice was dripping of shame. He hadn't tasted human blood for so long and had thought he was strong enough to resist… It must have been a horrifying feeling when he started losing control.

I tensed a bit beneath him but continued to stroke his neck and again down his back. Edward had started sobbing again but it was very silent. His movements while sobbing and the sound itself froze my heart between the beats – at least it felt that way. I tightened my grip around him and took my hand from his only to take his hand into mine. Edward looked so… vulnerable, so insecure…

"I tried to fight against it. I _really_ tried…" He said between two silent sobs. "But there was blood all around him. He must have had a terrible fight with the mountain lion, his legs were deeply scratched. By then, I was sure that he wouldn't survive until the end of the day – even if there weren't two vampires standing in the same clearing as him. His heart was already slowing down. My senses told me that he was the _perfect_ prey…" Once again, he quieted down while speaking. I wasn't sure if the last phrase was directed at me or if he was just so very deep in his memories that he was talking to himself.

I felt utterly helpless. I was glad that he told me all these things, but what should I do when he was finished? What could I say to ease his pain? My mind went blank as I searched for an answer to that question.

Edward reached with his free arm around me, pulling me closer to him. I didn't even thing that would be possible by then. "I took a last glance at Jasper. His eyes were as dark and black as mine, he wouldn't and couldn't resist anymore – just like me. He, too, knew that this chance was… that it was just so easy. If we were fast enough, he wouldn't even feel it." His sobbing subsided once again, but slowly.

By then, I was holding my breath. I just had to ask and so I whispered: "Did he?"

Edward shook his head but still had it bedded against my chest. "Jasper… and _I_ are the most… _trained_ ones in our family, we know what we have to do to make it quick for our prey." He had to fight for every word, I heard it in his voice. But what he told me sent shivers down my spine which I couldn't stop. I had never thought about that fact before. Obviously, Jasper _had_ a lot of… _training_, since he was the one in the family who drank for a very long time only from humans.

But Edward?

As I thought about it, it became clearer to me. He has had his years where he was away from Carlisle and he too, like Jasper, had hunted humans. Although maybe not in a similar manner his brother had done. He had told me that he searched for those who committed a murder or something similar.

I knew Edward would never do that again, but right now, it scared me to think about it. And the fact that Edward apparently called humans '_prey'_ didn't help my nerves. He never did that before and _hopefully_, he wouldn't do it again. But probably, he didn't realize that I would understand the deeper meaning of the word…

"The man couldn't react anymore when Jasper and I lunged ourselves at him. I found the perfect place for a bite and not even a heartbeat later, I felt his… sweet and thick blood on my tongue, flowing down my dried out throat. Bella, I can't express what I felt in that moment… The monstrous creature in me jubilated and as much as I tried, I couldn't stop myself anymore. But… I felt that I didn't even tried as hard as I could have, as I probably _should_have… Jasper and I sucked the man dry in a matter of a few minutes. Eventually, when we were finished, Carlisle, Emmett and Rose appeared in the clearing."

By then, my heart was throbbing rapidly. My imagination showed pictures to me I didn't want to see. Edward and Jasper, crouching above a lifeless body, sucking it dry. It wasn't the picture of Jasper which send chills down my spine, I knew he hadn't the self-restraint Edward or any other Cullen has, it was the picture of Edward who killed a human that scared me the modt. But I felt relieved, somehow. The man would have died eventually, even without Jasper or Edward. In some way, my head told me that Edward had no chance to resist, just like the man had no chance to survive. But does that fact make a murder less… _horrible_?

Edward lifted his head from my chest and locked his gaze with mine. The sad look didn't go away in the meantime but now, he looked deeply troubled. Somehow, it alarmed me. " Carlisle, Esme,… My family has… They forgave Jasper and me for what we did, Bella. I don't blame them for that, I never could. I know what we are and…"

"It was just a man in the woods, all on his own and deadly wounded." I completed his sentence when he trailed off. My voice was calm – I expected it to tremble or something like that. But it didn't and I was thankful for that.

Edward nodded his head. "Yes… That's what Emmett said, too, almost in the same words. But Bella, I… I killed a _human_. I even _enjoyed_ the taste of his blood! No matter how much I try to justify my actions, it is a _murder_, Bella. What if… What if…"

I lifted my hand from his and put a finger over Edward's lips to stop him from talking. I had heard enough. Now, I knew what it was that troubled him so deeply. I felt that he was thankful that his family doesn't blame him and I knew that he would get around the accident eventually, – and from all he had told me, it _was_ an accident – even if it would take some time.

The rising sun painted the sky in pastel colors and lifted the veil of darkness of the last night. The first rays of light filtered through the clouds and found their way into Edward's room.

By then, I knew exactly what I had to do to ease his pain.

* * *

Yepp, I know, cliffies are evil. But I never denied that I am just as evil as cliffies...  
I'll try and update as soon as possible again, but I have a lot to do for university this week and the next chapter I'll write will be for my main-stroy :) (Hey, I've got to work on that, too ;) ) 

So... I'd like to know what you think about the chapter. Tell me everything. What was good? What was bad? I really hope I didn't let the character go too far ooc... ° And sorry if there are still mistakes and misspellings in this chapter, I did two proove-readings but I'm not sure if I found everything...


	3. Chapter 3

AN:

Yes, I have to admit that I'm evil. Giving you two of three chapters of this story and just stop writing. "I wasn't in the mood" isn't really an excuse – and it isn't even really true. I was in the mood and I already had half the chapter done but… Well… All your comments, all those "oh, how great, continue!"… Somehow, I got really, really nervous. What if this chapter wouldn't be like you would think / hope it would be? Awwww, I hate to disappoint people.

So: Ok, I was frightened. But after I read Twilight for about the 30th time, I felt that I should give this story an end, no matter what you all want to do to me after reading it.

I stopped reading comments on my stories a while ago but start reading them again when this chapter is finished ;) I'll try and answer all of those messages (Yepp, I have nothing to do today) and I really want to say a big thank you to all of you who sent me virtual cookies, pleads to write on and all your criticism.

oOoOoOoO

What has happened before:

On a hunting trip with a part of their family, Edward and Jasper killed a human more or less by accident. Emmett called Bella the night they got back from their hunting ground. Emmett thought that Edward would need his mate, since Edward wouldn't talk, get out of his room or even read the minds of his family.

So, Bella drives to the Cullen Mansion in the middle of the night, ready to do everything in her might to help her beloved vampire – although she really has no clue what to do exactly. After some time, Edward starts telling her everything and Bella understands, why Edward is so very afraid.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

**Chapter 3**

I knew what I had to do.  
Edward raised his head, confused why I stopped him from talking and afraid he had said something that had upset me.

I took my finger from his lips and stroke slowly from his ear to his jaw. I knew my fingers were trembling and I knew that he felt it but I gave him a reassuring smile to show him that I wasn't afraid. I put my hand on the side of his face, caressing his lips with my thumb.

"It's ok, my love, you didn't say anything wrong. You may not believe me when I say it but… I forgive you, Edward." And that was really what I meant, although it was really hard to believe myself – a daughter of a policeman, forgiving a murder. But this wasn't something about common sense or even ethics, this was about Edward. About my mate.

Slowly, his facial expression changed. It started with disbelieve, got to doubt and stayed where he just looked at me as if I was insane.

"You… Bella, I committed a murder!"

I could read in his eyes that he wanted to accept my forgiveness, to trust me that I knew what I was talking about – but he wouldn't let himself do that so easily.

I had to convince him."I know, Edward. And don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that it is ok to run around and kill people. I would never forgive anyone who killed another person just because he or she could or wanted. This is about you, Edward." I made a short pause to let sink in what I was telling him. "You've told me once that even the strongest of you have their weak moments. That, even though you don't really want to, you could slip. Edward, you've told me the whole story and I don't think that you left out anything important that I should know. I can feel you are sorry and I truly believe that you won't slip again for a long, long time, if not forever. You haven't killed that man on purpose. It was an _accident_, Edward."

For a time, it was silent in Edward's room. Quietly, the first birds were starting to sing outside while the first rays of sunlight touched the forest beneath the big window.

Edward was still looking doubtfully at me, his head nestled into the palm of my hand. Somehow I got the impression that he started to believe me. Nevertheless, it was hard for him.

"Bella… I slipped on a human – even if it was by accident, how could I be sure that I wouldn't… That… If I was that hungry again I…" He struggled for words and once again, he looked helpless. But I already understood his problem – although this time, it would be easier for me to formulate my phrases if he could pick them right out of my mind. I think, this was the first time that I would be happy that his gift would work on me, too…

"Edward. That was some random hunter far away from civilization, already dying, all alone in the woods and in addition: He was bleeding while you were hunting in that area. That wasn't me, Edward. Trust me when I say that I _know_ that you would never hurt me, never… _hunt_ me. You are one very strong vampire. You give your best from day to day and all day long to get away from your '_basic instincts'_, if I may call them that way. Killing a human being will always be something horrible but in your case, I can understand _why _you acted that way."

I felt him relax more and more in my hands. Calmness was finally evident in his eyes. As he didn't say anything, I started anew.

"I love you, Edward. I will always do. This accident in the woods won't change the feelings I have towards you. And don't think I'll be afraid of you now: I am not. Every person makes mistakes sometimes. Some are worse than others – but not regretting a mistake is the worst one. I can see the way you feel, I can understand why you are frightened and I know that you deeply regret what you did. I forgive you, my love."

This was the first time in this long night that I could see a small smile play on the lips of my beloved vampire. Finally, he was convinced that I really meant what I said to him. He took my hand in his, caressing its back and then, he leaned his face towards me.

The following kiss said more than words could ever do.  
I felt his icy lips on my warm ones. Slowly, he shifted his position so that he was laying besides me, holding me in his one arm while his other arm played a bit with my hand. Both of us had our eyes closed but feelings are so much more than pictures.

In this kiss, I felt his complete trust and gratefulness. At first, his lips were still a little bit trembling but soon, we lost ourselves in the embrace and simple present of each other.

As we opened our eyes ones again – I don't know how long we have been cuddled up like this – there was no sign of fear, no sign of that "weak" Edward of the last hours. Although still red, his eyes showed the typical "_Edward__ian__ S__hine_" as I grew accustomed to call it. That look that just lets one forget to breathe and that can wipe away all your thoughts at once.

My Edward was back.

We lay silent for another amount of time. Somehow I got the idea of how time passes for a vampire: It just does. Who needs to know how late it is or how long something takes if you have forever?

"Thank you." His quiet whisper interrupted my musings. He smiled and I had to smile back.

"Thank you so much, my love…" He said once more. If he wanted to say anything else, he couldn't: My lips found their way back to his granitic ones. I felt him smile and then he answered my kiss.

When it ended, I had to say only one more thing to him, one thing he should better never forget.

"Edward?"

"Hm?" His eyes held mine and even if I had wanted, I couldn't have looked away. They were still red but somehow… It frightened me less than earlier this night. The red would pass and he would get his butterscotch color back again.

"Whatever will happen in the future: I'll be there for you. You can tell me everything – what bothers you, what frightens you,… I'll be right there for you, listening. I may not be a vampire but I'll do anything in my might to help you."

His forehead touched mine and sincerity was in his voice as he answered. "You did more than any vampire on this world could have done, my love. Thank you – and I don't know when I'll stop saying those two words so you better get used to them." He said with wink that made me laugh.

The sun stood high in the sky when we moved the next time. Well… As high as the sun _can_ stand in Forks. The day wouldn't be exactly sunny but just perfect for my taste.

"Bella?" Edward interrupted the peaceful silence and he sounded somehow… sorry?

"What is it?"

"Well… I think, I won't be at school for the next days… I think it won't be longer than two weeks, but I think, you should now it now."

I propped myself on one elbow and looked a bit surprised at my mate. Did he think he would relapse?  
I could feel my brows shifting together as I thought along those lines but only for a moment. Edward put his strong arm around my waist once more and carefully pushed me down onto his body.

"Don't worry, my love. It's not because of what you think – trust me, this time I can read it word for word from your face, I don't need to know your thoughts." I could see a small grin forming on his face. "But.. Well… Just imagine what will happen if I'm in school and my eyes are still crimson? There will be rumors, questions,… Nothing will even come close to reality but I'd rather have no questions or rumors at all. I'll hunt the next days – and I'll be very careful – so that I'll get my gold back as soon as possible."

He winked at me and once again, I had to chuckle a bit. I don't exactly know why but… Maybe it was just the fading tension of the last hours.

"Ok, I'll give note to Mrs. Cope that you're ill for some time. And don't think you'll have nothing else to do than hunting !"

He looked at me and it seemed as if a giant question mark was painted on his face – I gave him a huge grin and continued: "Well… We are still in school, we have still lots of homework to do…"

At the word "homework", he let out a long sigh.

"Oh, please, I know so much more than those stupid teachers – I don't _need_ any homework."

I let out a laugh and let me fall on the couch next to my vampire. "Yes, that's what all the ill children say… "

He let out a playful growl and carefully poked the tip of my nose with one of his slender fingers. "Ok, Ma'am. I'll do my homework, go hunting and be a very good vampire. There. Happy?"

"Yepp." And I gave him a radiant smile.

I could have lain here for all day but finally, my stomach betrayed me and let out a low grumble.

"Oh, right, time to eat… Sorry, I completely forgot about that." Edward smiled ruefully at me.

"No problem. I'll go downstairs and make me something, ok?" I loved the Cullen's fridge. There was always something delicious in it and since they wouldn't eat it themselves, Esme gave me permission to take whatever I liked – although sometimes, I still had to tell them why I chose something over something else.

"Yes, of course."

I sat up and walked towards the door. Just when I had its knob in my hand, I realized Edward right behind me. "You're going, too?"

One of his arms sneaked around my waist. "Yes… I think, I should say sorry to some people down there…"

I smiled and together, we went down the stairs until we reached the living room.

"Edward!" Esme came running – and I really mean running, since she appeared out of nowhere – towards him.

It didn't take many seconds and all the Cullens were gathered in the living room once more. This time, even Alice and Jasper. Esme and Carlisle locked Edward in a long embrace, although Carlisle looked a bit like my dad shortly before I would get a telling-off. I got the feeling that Edward would get one, too.

Alice and Jasper were standing a bit away, holding each other's hand, smiling at the scene before them. Even though I didn't really want to, I took a look at Jaspers eyes. They were crimson, just like Edwards. I could feel an icy chill building up and although I tried to fight it, I knew that Jasper had already felt my emotions before that chill made its way down my spine. He looked smiling at me and the next moment, my uneasiness was gone. Wouldn't it have been Jasper and wouldn't he have had red eyes, I might have considered to give him a hug but I knew it would be the stupidest idea I could have this day. So I just gave him a warm smile from where I was standing. Yes, Jasper was still the Jasper I knew – never mind his eye color.

The next moment, I was in Esmes strong arms. "Thank you, Bella." Her voice was calm and full of gratefulness. "Sometimes, you are really able to work wonders…"

My cheeks were flushed with blood. As she released me, my sight fell on Carlisle who was smiling at me, too. He didn't need any words. One look at his face and I knew that he was thanking me. Somehow I was a bit proud of me. I helped a vampire… Finally, I was able to give back a little bit of what I receive all the time.

Edward took my hand in his, smiled at me and together, we walked into the kitchen. At the kitchen door, he turned around as if he had forgotten about something.

"Emmett?" He asked with a smile on his face.

Emmett, who had already tried to get away – probably because Edward could know by know that he called me and maybe he could be mad at him – stopped dead in his track and with an unsure smile turned around, facing my beloved one.

"Eh… yes?"

"Thanks for calling her. I'll never forget that."

Emmett's smile widened to a grin. "How do you know… Did she tell you?"

Edward let out a low chuckle. "No. But from all the persons, who were there… Well, you'd be the only one to get this crazy idea."

"Crazy or not: it worked." He said with an impish grin.

Edward just nodded and together, we went into the kitchen.

------------------

Yes, that's it. The third chapter. Well… Tell me, what you think ° It was pretty hard to write – I was never (and I'm pretty sure I'll never be) in a situation similar to Bellas…

And now, I'll look through my eMails, your comments and any message I got through the last few MONTHS. (Oh, my… Months. I wanted this story to take max. some days, not months… sigh Sorry again.)


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